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Blue Rebel energy drink by Dutch Brothers Coffee

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Whenever I hear of a caffeinated sensation that I had not known before, while I am excited, I am also left with a feeling of inadequacy.  After all, I am the caffeine guy, and should already have all that knowledge as to the goings on in the caffeinated world.

So when I am presented with a coffee company that has over 175 franchises located in roughly my neck of the woods, one that not only gives to charity but is known for great public service and decent Joe. In just one year they sold over 25 million cups of coffee, and the company gives back to nonprofits such as the American Cancer Society and Boys & Girls Clubs of America. JD Powers ranked them Highest in Customer Satisfaction as well. For being the country’s most friendly largest drive-through coffee chain, I feel bummed that I have not heard it before.

Well now all that has changed.  Dutch brothers has been making specialty Red Bull drinks for years, but finally dumped the brand (or the brand dumped them - who knows) and they started coming out with their own energy drink variety, Blue Rebel energy drink, that comes in slimline cans as well as them mixing it into other concoctions.

Packaging:4
I like it that they don't take themselves very seriously when it comes to their marketing, but this inattention to detail is to their detriment as well..  While this could easily have gone the crazy xtreme route and filled this with explosions and fire and carbon fiber, they went a different route and have a nice blue can.  And sitting on their can is Elwood Blues, sipping on a hot cup of coffee.  Why?   The only thing I can think of is they were trying to make some connection between the Blue Rebel and the Dutch brothers ad came up with the Blue Brothers and just ran with it.  Either way, any time you have a dude drinking a coffee on your energy drink means that you probably have not gone the hardcore route with your marketing.

That is my problem with this too.  They forgot all the basic mechanics of putting together an energy drink.  While the design is minimal, the logo looks plain with the bare aluminum look.  They did not list the caffeine content. There is no energy blend amounts - so you have to guess and hunt in the ingredients list to see what good stuff this might have for you.  They don't double face the can so it is harder for stockers to shelve correctly.  It is just too easy to place the can in such a way that all you see is a plain blue can, with no branding showing at all.

Taste:6
Seeing as this is Dutch Brothers first foray into the energy drink market they would have spent a while making the taste perfect, which is why I was thrown to find that this is a Red Bull clone.  Yes, it is a good Red Bull clone - of of the better of the hundreds with this flavor profile.  I might even say it is in the top 20 Red Bull knock offs I have tried (and I have tried a whole lot).  What I think is interesting is that if you are fortunate enough to have a Dutch Brothers near you it is possible to try this as a blended or flavor-infused beverage (while I don't know what that means, words like infused excite me).

So if this is also supposed to be an ingredient in a mixed drink, why didn't they make this very lightly flavored, as subtle flavored drinks are so much easier to mix together?  Either way, as clones go this one is not bad.  They don't have the bitter herbal quality that Red Bull drinks do, and instead opt for a slightly sweeter and more vanilla flavor.  Blue Rebel is not a bad drink,  but seeing as you are paying a couple bucks for 8 ounces of drink, I expected something more unique and special.

Buzz:5
While they don't list their caffeine amounts, you can bet this has the standard 80mg or less in the can.  Energy - wise, expect about what you would get from  shot of espresso or any other 8 ounce energy drink.  They also do not add anything special to their ingredients list either, using the same stuff, like glucurolactone, taurine, inositol and vitamin B to give you their boost.

Their nutritional content is also exactly average.  Sweetened with sugar, this is packed full of preservatives, dyes and chemicals.  It is not that lots of other energy drinks are the same, because that pretty much sums up thr bulk of what is out there, It is just that if you are a cool company and like coming out with cool products that make people happy, you could reach a whole hell of a lot harder than this.



Nitro2Go Mega Shot 14 hour energy shot

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Heading out of my local convenience store, I was taken aback by this gigantic looking novelty energy shot - like someone too a 5 hour energy close and stretched it into crazy proportions.  On closer inspection, Nitro2Go's Mega Shot is just a double helping of their normal energy shot in a bottle twice as long, while still maintaining its skinny profile.  It is bedecked in Rasta colors - red yellow and green, and promises a huge 14 hour energy blend.

I waited a while to have this one, trying to find the perfect time to need 14 whole hours of energy - finally just giving in on a sleepy workday.  I skipped the coffee and downed it while waiting for the light rail, yawning non-stop on the commute.  By the time I sat down at my desk, I was buzzing and perky!    I skipped my morning meeting, and managed to plow through the day with nary a care.  While this might look a little funny and taste a bit assy, for a few bucks it really does have energy to spare.

Packaging:5
This looks like a normal 2 ounce energy drink only stretchd to silly proportions.   It is actually a cool idea - and like it better than the other 4 ounce shots like Spike and 666 energy.  The slim bottle is easier to deal with in your backpack or your pocket than a big grenage-esque package.  They wrap it just the same as the standard 2 ounce shot - although Mega Sot is in Rasta colors, for absolutely no reason.  It is not like one ever associates Jamaica with bursting energy, unless you directly tie this to Olympic star Usian Bolt (Who won golds set world records in 2008).

Other than the starburst reggae theme, the package is almost exactly the same as a 2 ouncer, from the small opening at the top to the lack of caffeine on the label.    While they say that this contains the amount of caffeine as 2 cups of coffee, that does not really mean anything, as a cup of coffee can have almost no caffeine to an insane blast.  It might help a little that it says it contains as much as a strong cup of coffee, but really, who knows.

Taste:5
Tastes like a berry energy shot.  It is not very bad, but it is not very good either.  They certainly did not try to raise the bar of energy shot flavors, going for a very usual bitter herbal diet sweetener flavor - the kind you would find in a berry 5 Hour energy or 6 Hour power or any of the other hundred stock run-of-the-mill energy shots out there.

The one small caveat when drinking Mega Shot is this is much much better icy cold.  While you don't need to refrigerate it, I found that the bit right out of the fridge was a whole lot more bearable than the bit left in my warm backpack.

Buzz:9
What was nice to find in here is a serious buzz of  caffeine - a nice solid jittery buzzy feeling that reminded me of why I love caffeine so much!  My mind was laser focused and I was completely clear headed for a good 3 hours - and then it continued through the day as I kept sipping on it.

Surprisingly, the only real ingredient that this has in it is the usual energy shot stuff; undisclosed amounts of Taurine, B vitamins, the standard amino acid blend and glucurolactone.   There was a little difference in that they added Kola nut and green tea extract, but I dont think that did the trick nearly as much as the caffeine - I am guessing in the 250-300mg range for the entire bottle. For being something that looked so standard, it was great finding a Mega Shot that really could give me the energy I am searching for!


Bawls Cherry energy soda

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Bawls is one of those awesome products from the start of the energy drink craze, and their classic blue nubbin covered bottles have been a staple in the energy drink shelves.  Every once in a while Bawls come out with interesting versions of their brand, like Bawls mints, SNObawls and G33k Beer.  It is  an odd choice they came out with this Cherry flavor, as in terms of their usual originality, this seems pretty tame in flavor and energy ingredients, as well as plain packaging.

It is important to remember that this is a guarana flavored soda, much like Brazil's Guarana Antarctica  or Schin Guarana. This is not an energy drink in the strict sense, as it does not have the same caffeine as a regular energy drink, nor does it contain all the normal things energy drinks have like taurine and such.

Packaging:4
According to Wikipedia, the drink was supposed to come in red glass, but it was to expensive, so they went for this can instead.   While I like their idea, that the little dots change color as the temperature changes, the effect is so subtle that it is pretty underwhelming.   Good idea - but it only takes a couple minutes at most to finish an energy drink, so the gimmick does not really work.

I have seen this for sale in clear 10 ounce bottles, which at least comes in their cool grippy dot filled glass.  I really like the original bumpy design, as it is unique enough to really stand out from the other drinks, and gave them a very distinctive place in the marketplace.  Unfortunately, the kind that I find in Rocket Fizz and Target is the plain-ol' 16 ounce cans.

On top of this, they do not list the nutrition and ingredients in a panel, so there is no way to tell how much caffeine or any other energy drink supplements might be in here.

Taste:9
This is much more soda-like than original bawls, as it seems more heavy and syrupy like a 7-Up or Sprite.  Unlike a cherry 7-Up, this was clear - which I personally like better than if it was fake red colored.  Even through it is not really natural, it gave it a feeling like it was a bit more healthy and natural.

While I liked the original flavor of Bawls, the Mints were tasty (but weak) and their G33k B33r is an uncommonly good Root Beer, this Cherry flavor is one of the best sodas I have had in a very long time.  Unlike any other lemon-lime soda this actually tastes like guarana berries, an it provides the sharpness of the berry while still having a definite citrus edge.  There is a definite creaminess to this too, which really lends itself to the strong cherry flavors.  If there ever was a less calories version of this drink I would be forever hooked.  I have a hard time slugging down all the empty calories of a highly-caloric soda, but the complex yummy flavor is absolutely delicious.

Buzz:4
They advertise this on the can as being a High Caffeine Soda, which looking at how caffeinated some drinks are, makes you think this is a great blast of energy.  Unfortunately, it just does not hold up.  There is not that much caffeine in here, more than a Coke, but much less than your average energy drink.  There is only 100mg of caffeine in the full 16 ounce can - about half as much as a similar sized cup of coffee.  You can feel the difference between this and a regular energy drink too, as this gives you more energy from the sugar than the caffeine.  If you are looking to this like you would look to a Monster or Red Bull, you are probably going to be disappointed, as it just does not have enough energy enhancing power in here to do more than a little lift and crash a couple hours later.



Wired Waffles

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I have been told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day - and I know it to be one usually filled with the best foods.  This is the time that sweet, gooey and creamy enter our vocabularies, and sitting down with a warmed up donut or dunking milk on sugar frosted crunchy sweets just make sense.  This is also the time for sweet sweet caffeine, and it just makes sense to pair the two of them up.  I have had a couple interesting morning caffeinated pairings outside the normal cuppa' joe, including caffeinated orange juice and energy oatmeal, but these thick sweet caffeinated waffles take the....cake.

These delicious Belgian-style caffeinated waffles even come from some place in my home base of Denver.   Now if only I could find the warehouse, I might be able to get these fresh off the line like a Krispy Kreme!  Then I really would need to stock up of the Rutaesomn, making a sort of energy waffle speedball until I was rushed to the hospital.  Sadly though, they seem to be nowhere around here, and just available on-line and if you live in the mecca of all that's caffeinated: Seattle.

Packaging:8
I really enjoy the downhome-iness of the package, like this was cellophane wrapped for me in a kitchen and not really in some factory.  They just saran wrapped the thing (more lake cellophaned, but you get the idea), slapped the label that was just printed out from a decent printer and called it good.  I think this would have lost much of its charm had it been wrapped up like a Hostess treat - all pretty and corporate-ified.

I have also seen quite a few other wrappers for this on the internet, with varying degrees of cool.  The one interesting thing to note is that they now don't print the caffeine content, although many of the other versions did.  While I am all for tweaking and changing up graphics, that bit of info would have been very nice to know, and it's a bummer they left it off.

Taste: Chocolate Chip:8 Cinnamon:9 Original:10
Wired Waffles come in three varieties; a chocolate chip one, Cinnamon and Regular.  All of them do not need any sugar or maple syrup, as they have the pearl sugar baked into it.  While that certainly makes it an easier to-go snack, I miss not filling those little squares with sweet goo. I know that makes me a rube, as these are fancy authentic Belgian Liège waffles. Liège waffles are actually supposed to be sweetended pastry-like cakes, but to me I see squares and wanna fill them with things like whipped cream, raspberry jam or chunks of bacon.  Fortunately for me, the Makers of Wired Waffles also make a Wired Maple Syrup if I really wanted to take that sweet and sticky rush to the extreme.

Of all the flavors, I liked the original one the best, although I liked both of the others as well.  All three were great right out of the package in the fridge, but I am the kind of person who eats frozen lunches without microwaving them too.  After 20 seconds in the microwave they taste even better - soft yet still retaining much of its thick chewiness.  The consistency of the Wired Waffle stayed very nice and firm, not going soggy or limp - and the flavor was nicely but-not-overly sweet in all three.  I did find the chocolate chips a little overkill - and the quality of the chip chocolate not that impressive, but the cinnamon was dead on, and even in the original you could not taste any of the sweet caffeine that sets this awesome breakfast apart.

Buzz:8
My one problem with the idea of wired waffles is they take such a long time to kick in!  No fault of the food itself, but waffles take a while to digest, and the caffeine that powers these yummy treats have a long road going form food ingredient to processed in the body, and that journey takes a good deal of time.  I managed to even (accidentally) take a nap on the commute to work (don't worry, I usually take the bus when I fall asleep on the road) waiting for the buzz to kick in.  If you are needing a more immediate energy source I would wash this down with some coffee.

I do appreciate the natural ingredients, especially because this is a decent sized breakfast treat and therefore something that should get you through the morning as well.  The ingredients list in Wired Waffles is exactly what it should be; flour, sugar, butter , eggs, yeast, salt, vanilla. Note the lack of preservative laden bullcrap that usually ges into this kind of thing. That means that although this has 350 calories, it is not just empty. There are 7 grams protein , as well as carbs to keep you moving until lunchtime. No, this is not the same as grabbing a yogurt, but for a delicious treat - it is better for you than a package of Eggos or Pop Tarts. And, when the caffeine does kick in, the 200mg of caffeine powering these babies is right on the money to keep you powered up for hours on end! While I would not necessarily call this a breakfast of champions, for a couple mornings it certainly made my life easier to cope with.


Gung Ho energy gel shot

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Gung Ho is an interesting phrase, as it is an Americanism which is steeped in the Chinese language. Whatever "Gung Ho" started out in Chinese meaning, it bears little resemblance to how people use it today. Gung Ho energy gel borrows on the phrase and capitalizes on the asian influence of the name - stating it provides ninja-like focus.  While it seems like just a cool gimmick (who does not like ninjas, afterall), it also works.  Really well.  Gung Ho works exactly as promised, and lives up to many important Ninja practices along the way. I also read that Gung Ho is supposed to improve memory storage and recall. While I really need something that does this, they only sent along three samples so I can not give this a real test for longer term effects.

Packaging:8
This is definitely one of the most unique packages out there, and something I have not encountered in my many energy gels shots and packets I have tried over the years - it's a small very energy shot - only in a little gel-like package. In true form it disguised itself as a small pack, little known to any eyes that it was actually a powerful energy shot just waiting for the right moment to pounce on its powerful enemy, sluggish stupifying groggy head.


Basically, you shred off the top, and squish the liquid in your mouth - which works very well and is  super easy.  The design of Gung Ho is very unique - and works really well for being something so different.  I think what helps is that there is very little to this product, as each shot is well under 1 ounce.  still, this delivery system is something I really have not seen before.

The package is very nice, except they dont feel it is necessary to let the consumer know how much of what they are having, cloaking their blend in a shroud of mystery.  Since they are going for such unique ingredients, letting the drinker know how much caffeine they are consuming would have been really nice.  I would have loved to give this a higher score  - as it is no only functional but also unique, but the lack of info on the package is disappointing.

Taste: 10
 I have had energy gels before, such as Gu, Fixx Extreme and E-Motion energy gel.  Intead of a thick or gooey liquid, Gung Ho is a splash of cool clear liquid.  I should have been able to detect a flavor, ut it was very slippery, sliding it stealthily to the back of my throat, leaving barely a trace of its existence.  All I was able to detect before it vanished completely was a tiny plash of something cool and refreshing, without really being able to focus on just one particular flavor.

Maybe I detected berries?  although it deally did not come off as a strong fruit in particular.  It also tasted of vanilla.  I think the closest I could come to is a flavor of a watermelon smoothie, only not quite so creamy. Regardless it is pretty fantastic.  I dont know if it would be good in a larger dose, but for a teaspoon of liquid this really works.

Buzz:9
Not knowing what to expect, I took this with me to the gym - even though it was supposed to help me in the brains department more than the brawn ( in true ninja fashion, the strongest fighter uses their mind,  not their muscle), I still thought it might be a good gym supplement, like other gels.  I gave one to my wife on a particularly bad fibromyalgia day, and I took the third I received to work with me.

Gym-wise, I could have chosen better.   Not that Gung Ho was particularly bad, but it was not particularly great either.  It gave a nice mild boost which was barely felt on the treadmill.   I was hoping for a blast to get me through a particularly gruelling workout and it just never came.

My wife, however, really dislikes energy drinks.  She loves coffee - and is more of an addict than me if you go by strict daily caffeine consumption.  This day was particularly draggy, and the fatigue was making any sort of movement hard and painful. Not only did she find Gung Ho not entirely awful tasting (believe be - thats a ringing endorsement), but said it really helped her get through her day too!

The last one was taken at work - on a day that I got very little sleep and needed to power through some particularly difficult bits of javascript.  While I can not say that it turned me into a coding ninja, I would say that it helped me concentrate totally on my tasks at hand and helped me get teh job done in better fashion that if I hadn't taken it.

In terms of pure energy, this is not really that strong.  I doubt if this has much more energy in it that your average 5 Hr Energy - and I am pretty sure it has less.  However, they seem to use their ingredients to better effect - having Kola Nut and ashwaganda to help the energy along.  The main ingredients in here that separate this from other drinks is the combination of citicoline and eletheuro, both found n many other drinks - although not necessarily together with caffeine. I absolutely noticed an effect - and would love to have more of this around for those days I need that extra bit of help.


Hype Energy Drink

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When I was a kid I used to suffer from heartburn all the time. I can remember times at seven or eight years old I used to curl up in a ball in pain over a glass of too-sweet grape juice or a particularly sweet and citric fruit syrup. This is also the time I was introduced to Brioski, an Old-world medicine for heartburn. Like Alka Seltzer, Brioschi is an antacid which fizzes in water. It has a very unique flavor, but it is not nasty like Pepto Bismol. Instead, Brioschi tastes linda good and lemony. This brings me to this review of Hype, an energy drink whih seems to taste just like a mixture of Brioschi and Red Bull, and strangely works pretty well as an antacid as well.

This is the flagship product by Hype - an internationally distributed energy drink company from the Netherlands. You are just as likely to see an ad or billboard for Hype in the middle of Iran as much as in a magazine in France. You can even find it in the US - if you look hard enough.  It makes sense that this is their main product, as it is the most generic looking of all their products, and the most Red Bullish as well.

Packaging:9
This international theme of their product takes on certain characteristics, including this most unique package. It needs to conform to all regulatory bodies around the world, so it lists the caffeine, various warnings and even the slogan in multiple languages. Even the background of the can is covered in cool multi-language Hype love, like "sens toi bien disfruita Hype, "crois en hype" and "Die energie zu jeder party!"  They have all the right stuff o the label like the caffeine content, while double facing the product and providing contact info.

Functionally, I accidentally put this can through the ringer, and it turned up to hold up very well under great pressure. First, it was airmailed to me from overseas, then I accidentally left it in the back of Bertha, my energy drink fridge, where it froze and puffed out to extreme proportions. When I found it in the back, I moved it out gingerly so it would not explode, and left it on the counter to thaw. After all that, it opened perfectly, and tasted just how it should be inside - it did not even settle or go flat!

Taste:8
As I mentioned before, this tasted a little like antacids, but that is not in any way a bad thing.  I was a little surprised to see that sodium bicarbonate and tartaric acid was not actually in the ingredients list, one of the more important ingredients of Broischi.  Funny how taste memory works...

Regardless Hype is very nice - if not totally original.  The color is different, coming out a nice bright pink instead of the  usual caramel colored dull brown.  The flavor starts off as a Red Bull clone, nd then they add enough subtle nuances to set it apart, like the bit of vanilla and lemon.  While it would have been cool if their flavor was something that was original, this would not be a bad one to have stocked in the fridge of the U.N. Building.

Buzz:5
Unfortunately, like all of hypes products, caffeine content is regulated in many European countries, and no more than 80mg is allowed in an 8 ounce can.  No matter what you do to the packaging, the most buzz you can find was set down long ago.  Unless you go bigger, you will not find any stronger than the 80mg this has, which is fine.

They put all the normal energy drink stuff in here too, like taurine, b vitamins, et al, which, unfortunately, are the same as any other European energy drink. This is about as tame as having a small cup of coffee or any little 8 ounce energy drink, enough to get a cut the craving, but unless you are down with slamming three or four of these you will not get any real rush.


Hype Energy Shot

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It makes sense that a big company like Hype would also make an energy shot.  After all, once Monster, Red Bull, Venom and every other big bottler has gotten into the energy shot game, you can not really be seen as a player on the world beverage stage without having one of these in your repertoire.  Hype's shot is a decent affair, certainly not going after the 5 Hour energy market, but for for the more extreme crowd who would be taking this before BMXing in sewer pipes and flinging themselves off of buildings in parkour fashion.  This is not a shot for people who need that 2pm lift as much as that competitive X-Games edge.

Taste:6
With all the work it usually takes to make an energy shot, I am surprised more energy drink companies don't just do this - just bottle their syrup and sell it as a shot.  This seems to be what Hype did with their energy shot - just fill the bottle up with Hype syrup and call it a day.

That is all not to say I didn't like it.  I thought it was pretty dang tasty.  I liked their Hype MFP, and this is basically the same thing only without the bubbles.  It has that same sharp basic energy drink flavor, only with a bit more mellow to the tartness.  Hype energy shot is incredibly easy to drink, sliding down my throat in one easy gulp. It was not thick, but it was sure sweet and sticky, and left a tart sweetness in my mouth for a long time after.

Buzz:4
Unfortunately, just making their syrup into a shot means a whole lot less of the good stuff too.  I read on other reviews that this had somewhere around 120mg of caffeine, which is serious enough to at least call you to attention.  Unfortunately, the buzz in this shot is the weakest of any energy shot I have yet tried - 60mg.  That puts this at about the level of a Diet Mountain Dew.  Mind you, drinking 12 ounces of Hype Shots would get you crazy wired, but just one Hype shot is not really going to do anything for your energy.

This does have an energy blend to help give the drinker a boost, but the amounts are pretty low as well.  While most energy shots that people are familiar with have well over 100 - 5,000 the RDA of vitamin B complex, Hype Shots have just 50%.  It has undisclosed amounts of Taurine and Inositol, but not enough to really lift me into the amount of caffeine I need to have coursing through my veins.

Packaging:9
Overall, the design of Hype Energy Shot is lovely, taking its cue from the Hype MFP Energy Drink design scheme.  I love the carbon fiber look, and the layout and colors are very clean and cool.  I like the original packaging, and that they made their own 2 ounce shot package rather than reuse one of the more popular shapes.  I did see an earlier design of this bottle,and it is FAR improved from the earlier design, fixing glaring flaws in the look.  They do list the caffeine amount, as well as a full nutritional label.  They even manage to double print the name of the drink so it can get noticed from different angles.

The only thing that I find weird is not really a problem with the package as much as what the package is holding.  There are all these warnings all over the bottle.  There is a big green "Increased Energy for Hours", "High Caffeine content!" and "6 Hour Power Energy Shot" on the little bottle, which is in this case is nothing but Hype.  That is a real shame, because the bottle itself is very pretty, and also very informative.  If they only kept the same powerful energy shot mixture they had in their earlier version this one would be a real winner.


Hi-Rev Mocha Cappuccino

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Please do not confuse this highly caffeinated hot drink with anything like coffee.  Yes, there is cappuccino in the name of the drink, but this is about as far from coffee as Grape Kool Aid is from grapes.  Once you get down the concept that just because this is hot and has a little coffee flavor it is not actually coffee, then you can really enjoy the fun awfulness that is powdered cappuccino.  If you have never tried this instant powdered creamy glack-y goodness, I would recommend steeling yourself, heading to your local convenience store, and getting a pack of Pall Malls, some Choco-Donettes and a big cup of some push-button coffee hot flavored drink.

These drinks appeal to a certain kind of person, the kind who adds 20 packs of flavored creamers and extra sugar and cocoa powder to their cheap coffee before guzzling.  These people don't care if their drinks come loaded with chemicals or preservatives or calories, as it usually tastes best when you are eating a Twinkie and smoking a cheap cigarette with it.  If you drank this stuff every day I am sure you would come down with cancer or mutate or get superpowers, but for an every-once-in-a-while treat, these drinks can be fun.  Boyds Coffee makes a bunch of flavors of this, including a Maple Bacon one, a Salted Caramel one, and other flavors which seem like they might be found more on a Ben and Jerry's ice cream than a coffee drink.

The problem I have always had with these not-quite-real coffee treats, besides the feeling like they were born in Muppet Labs is that historically they have had very little, if any, caffeine in them.  These drinks are so far removed from coffee that whatever buzz they might have once had has been seared off by the chemical burn and scientific process. On my last trip to a Conoco, I found a Boyds machine which has fixed this problem by adding the pure anhydrous caffeine back into the powdered coffee mix!  The result is Hi Rev Mocha Cappucino, with the slogan of "No Wimps Allowed" emblazoned on the front of the machine, the signage and even the cups.  It seems that Boyds has been making this stuff for a while - since around 2003, and has been a big seller.

They also make an extra caffeinated coffee which tastes like regular decent convenience store coffee, and just made more caffeinated by their special brewing process.  While many C-Stores seem to be selling a version of high-test coffee (for a while both Circle K and 711 had coffee with guarana in it - but tasted a bit like drinking your coffee through a plant stem), this version actually tasted like coffee.  However, getting just a coffee is completely missing the point.  I mean - you are buying your food at a gas station already  -  it is not like you are going there for your Fair-Trade organic specialty roast stuff.  So just get a cup of instant freeze dried astronaut coffee flavored drink and deal with it.

Packaging:8
While of course you can get these in any cups you happen to bring, they have special "No Wimps Allowed" cups - which are basically those cheap styrofoam cups that all convenience stores have, but have their crazy screaming dude on it.  This in itself would not be that remarkable, except for two things - I love the screamer, and they have all sorts of contact info on the cup if you want more information.

In my case, I really wanted to know the caffeine content, as well as the ingredients list so I knew for sure that all the chemicals I thought was in here, was in here.  Their website let to a customer service number which led to a super nice person at their main office who helped me get all the info I was looking for in my inbox.

Taste:8
Firstly, you have to know the right way to get a drink from one of these machines.  If you don't plan on it just right, you can end up with evil looks from cashiers, cups half filled with water and half nasty foam or even end up scalded.  When the drink is coming out of the machine, for some reason the instructions tell you to stop 2/3 of the way from the top, where the machine just pours water into your cup and makes for a foamy mess. To get a great cup of Hi-Rev Cappuccino, the trick is to go almost to the top - then quickly pull the cup from the machine, move subtly enough that you dont make a hot mess that someone will see , but keeps you from getting a watered down drink.  Sometimes the clerk will mess up and leave the lid of the machine a little off, and you can scoop some of that sweet sweet powder right in your cup and make your drink extra gooey!

The Hi-Rev Mocha Cappuccino tastes just like it should, and not at all like it has anything to either real chocolate or real coffee.  At one point in time it might have had something close to Tasters Choice with chocolate mix in it, but there is that layer of preservative and fake milk powder which give it all a slight tin can edge.  You can not taste the caffeine over all the other chemicals in here too - and all around tastes like a yummy fake coffee-like drink.

Buzz:9
For Just Buzz, Boyds does a great job of wiring you. An eight ounce cup has 105mg of caffeine, 1 and 1/2 times the amount of caffeine in Red Bull. If you get this in a bit 24 ounce cup you can get seriously over-caffeinated with 420mg of caffeine - or more than most energy drinks on the market. You can really feel it too - as almost immediately you can feel the sugar and caffeine hit your bloodstream. It is a serious dose of energy - and will leave you jittery and wide-eyed for a long time.

If you absolutely have to know the ingredients in here I did find them out - although like canned Cheez Whiz, some things are probably best left to the imagination.  In this case there is both sugar and HFCS to sweeten things, along with corn syrup solids.  While there is no actual milk in here, there is Whey, which is a milk derivative, along with Sodium Caseinate.  Don't forget the oil needed to make it seem creamy, which is represented by Partially Hydrogenated Coconut Oil.   While full of the mysterious Artificial Flavors and Salt (mmm salty coffee...).  Way down in there I did find instant coffee and Dutch Cocoa, along with Carboxymethylcellulose (a thickener also found in products like KY Jelly and toothpastes) , Silicon Dioxide (ground up quartz, also used for making glass, keeping new shoes smelling fresh and keeps powdered foods from getting clumpy in large masses) and Dipotassium Phosphate (used a bunch in evaporated milk and creamers to keep it from coagulating).

Really, it is just best if you forget about it and just enjoy the sweet creamy buzz...



Hi Ball Vanilla energy water

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I really like sparkling water.  Whether in club soda form or New York Seltzer-esque flavors, this proves that you don't need tons of artificial flavors and colors to make a tasty drink.  Hi Ball was certainly one of those, only accentuated by the awesome packaging that made me feel cooler and hipper with every mouthful.  Just carrying around the Hi Ball glass give you a sensation of hanging out in a trendy district with cool trendy people.  Hi Ball makes me want to spend money frivolously on hats and ironic T-shirts.

At least that was the old Hi Ball.   There is a new Hi Ball I have found in stores, grown from little 10 ounce bottle to big 16 ouncers - enough to hold a very serious buzz.  As much as I like the new aluminum cans, it makes me miss the fun and cool of the glass bottle.  Not it is just another energy drink shaped thingy.  Fortunately, there is enough good stuff in here to offset my loss of hipness.

Packaging:9
I miss the bottles.  I know - you can pack more goodness into a big 16 ounce can than you could in those cool 10 ounce glass bottles, but the glass bottles are around a thousand times more cool than any metal can, even if you have special dots that show up if your can gets cold.

That is the big seller of the new Hi-Ball cans: cold activated dots.  And like the Bawls drinks that are supposed to do the same thing, the effect is best if the drink is ICY COLD.  For the most part, leaving the drink out on the counter will make these little dots fade into the background.   Yes, it is a gimmick, but if it works for this design well enough.   The original cans were created by the Alyssa Warnock Design Studio, who now took her design to aluminum. While the logo still stays the same, there was something special about the glass bowling pin design of the original that made them almost irresistable on the shelves.

However, they did functionally do enough to the can to get the job done right.  They list the caffeine clearly on the label, which is very nice.  They double face their cans and list all the other ingredients nicely too (although it is water - so it is not like there are a whole lot of ingredients to list).

Taste:4
As I said before, I like Setzer water.  I like it enough that i actually went o Ebay and bought a bunch of seltzer machines and found the one store in Denver where you can refill carbon dioxide canisters for it.  Seltzer rules.  Flavored seltzer is another matter - and you have to be real careful or you end up with a bunch of undrinkable fizzy water.  Berry flavors work best, although lots of fruit do in general.  Limes and Lemons are fantastic, and savory flavors are about as revolting as you can get (chicken flavored sparkling water, anyone?)
Unfortunately, Vanilla is  another flavor that does not work well when it is subtle and unsweetened. Pretty much any flavor which needs to have the sweetness to make it work will not work when it does not have the sugar.  Every try eating baking chocolate, or accidentally take a taste of bran muffin batter when you think it is cupcake batter?  Your brain tells you to expect sweetness, and your mouth can't get ver the disappointment.

In this particular case, the vanilla also ends up highlighting the chalkiness of the caffeine and ginseng, while the bitterness of the Vitamin B complex gives this a bitternes that you don't expect in an unsweetened seltzer water.

Buzz:8
One of the big things that separate Hi Ball from other caffeinated sparkling waters is that Hi Ball does not use any sweeteners at all - just flavors.  That means this is a 0 calorie drink, not to mention they use only organic ingredients, grom the organic guarana to the organic ginseng.  IT also is completely free of preservatives or additives or any of that stuff, which I really enjoy.  It is really just energy infused water and not much else.

In terms of buzz, it is pretty decent.  There is 50mg of caffeine on top of 150mg of organic caffeine, along with enough Vitamin B complex to give a Monster sized energy rush.  Of course the difference there is the lack of sugar or sweeteners, so the rush is a more natural and sustained one that Monsters spike and crash.  I got a good 2-3 hours lift from it, and barely felt it when it went away - just a craving for a little more caffeine in my system.

I loved the buzz that is in here and the packaging might be not as cool as it was, but it is still decent.  However, next time I will go for the berry.


Dark Scorpion energy drink

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Dark Scorpion is such a good name for an energy drink, or really any Asian kick-ass thing, from a specialized Kung Fu style to a killer Samurai Warrior name.  Turns out the most famous Dark Scorpion is a bunch of trading cards from Yu-Gi-Oh.  Bummer.  I was hoping there would be a cool Yuen Woo-ping-style movie with Gordon Liu playing the Dark Scorpion - instead I find the coolest is gets is a character called "Chick the Yellow".

For as good as an energy drink name might be, I am guessing it did not really help move product.  The label said for me to not drink this after the expiration date.  According to the cap that was back in 2007, about 5 years ago.  Seeing as I realized this about 2/3 of the way through the bottle, I am glad energy drinks don't really ferment or go bad over time.  There was not even any settling, as the cool bright yellow drink almost glowed in my energy drink fridge.

Packaging:7
I love this little 5 ounce bottle of fury - looking like something left from a cool science fiction movie.  The silvery shiny label has a cool red scorpion shield on it - and looks quite sophisticated.  The lettering is exotic and cool - yet easy to read, and all around this is a very appealing design.

There are a couple problems here through.  While there is a mention that this is high in caffeine, there is no caffeine content listing so you have no idea exactly what you are getting in here.  There is a phone number to call the distributor (Taste Nirvana, the ones behind this Iced Coffee).

Taste:8
 I was pretty surprised when there was no carbonation inside it.  Of course, maybe there was carbonation in it when it was all bottled up seven years ago, but this is a pretty common practice for Thai drinks to not come with any fizz, to for my sanity I just assumed it was supposed to be that way.  While researching a bit more about this drink, I felt even better when I saw Dark Scorpion advertised at being non-carbonated.

Of course when researching it on that same page were these little freeze dried actual scorpions, so I felt a little less comfortable.  This is a Thai energy drink after all, so I was not 100% sure that the ingredients we are things I recognize.  On closer inspection of the ingredients list, not only did it not contain any scorpions, but it even has a little chrysanthemum extract, which is supposed to make the drinker more alert in a releasing your Chi and freeing the Wood elements that is not in harmony in your liver kinda way.

The flavor itself is a little hard to describe.  It is not like a regular energy drink flavor, although there is certainly some of that bite in here.  There is the citric acid and energy flavor to it, but it is not like a Lipvotan or Bacchus-D either.  THe closest I can come to to figuring out the flavor is vanilla and apples, and is really quite delicious.  Even for being many years old, it still manages to be one of the more delicious drinks I have ever pulled out of an Asian market.

Buzz:5
Also, it had a little pick me up, although not as much as I was hoping for a drink that would be worthy of Gorg the Strong (last YuGiOh reference - I promise).  I did get a little more oomph that I was expecting - probably around 60-70mg of caffeine's worth.  There was enough energy in here I felt a bit more energized and perky, although the buzz was pretty short lived.  If you are the type of person who gets buzzed from a Red Bull, this might do something for you.

If you were to find these in your friendly neighborhood asian grocery, I would recommend picking up two of these do drink at a time.  And while you are at it, check the expiration date just for fun.


Jack Black's Blood Red Cola

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A bottled drink with caffeine and guarana  that has a big angry skull with one eyeball and blood in the name - how can I not be in love?  Wandering around a cool candy store in an Historic Olyde Towne Somewhere (does every suburb have an Old Town Historic District?) I wandered into a candy shoppe filled with a wide assortment of edible doodads and funny trinkets, like the always funny bacon magnets and metal buckets of Bit-o' Honeys and Charleston Chews.  This store, however, had something special - a small selection of drinks from the Real Soda Company - especially Jack Black's Blood Red Cola.

This line of drinks used to be made by a slightly twisted individual about twelve years ago calling himself Bones Jones.  The Skeleteens Soda line was also responsible for such unique drinks as Rat Bastard Root Beer, Brainalizer and Fukola Cola.  These drinks used to contain heavy doses of food coloring along with odd ingredients like Jalapeno.  While the original company went out of business, some of the product line is now being created by the fine folk at Real Sodas.  

Real Sodas actual name is "Real soda in Real Bottles", and specializes in bottled soda.  While they make a whole bunch of their own brands, they carry a enormous selection of other glassed sodas, and ship them far and wide to delis, specialty grocery shops and department stores across the country.  I just recently found a place near Denver which carries the line, so I am probably going to be up to my  eyeballs reviewing some very cool and fancy bottled drinks for a while.

Packaging: 8
Jack Black sodas are going to run into real problems if the comedian/songwriter/actor ever decides to star in a Pirates of the Carribean movie.  Until then though, this bottle is great fun.  Not only is everything about the bottle awesome,  even the bottlecap is cool - covered in cool sayings and the goth Jolly Roger.

The bottle is covered in piratey sayings, like  "From Black's last raid", "Drink up you scurvy dog"and "4th time available in 499 years".  It is hard to escape the scary pirate skull with one eye staring out at you too. Jack Black did a great job of holding my attention and it one of the very few energy drink containers I have kept around (Duff Energy and 666 energy shots were the only others).

The only issue I have is that they do not list the caffeine in the drink, even through they list both caffeine and guarana in their ingredients list.   This is about all they needed to really put it over the top.

Taste:7
Seeing as this was called Blood Red Cola, I was expecting this to be red. No such luck - it poured out of the bottle a cola color - dark brown caramel color.  Red has sometimes been used to describe a flavor too - when you are going for a fake cherry berry but not any particular real fruit, which is about what there was in here.  There is a bunch of Red Food Dye in here (#40), but it was not enough to overcome the caramel color to turn this anywhere close to red - let alone blood red.  Although, if you let blood pool and then dry, it kinda turns the same murky reddish brown of this drink.  I think Jack Black's Pooled Dried Blood Red Cola might be too long of a name though.

I think they were going for a cherry cola flavor with this - but it was not quite strong enough to really tell.   I did enjoy the cola - but it was nothing too exciting.  I have had much better cola drinks, as this was made with your basic cola flavorings, caramel color and sugar, but it was still tasty enough.   If I were a cola connoisseur, i would probably snub my nose at it, but for a caffeinated soda it was decent enough. 

Buzz:6
According to Danny, the head of Real Sodas, this has somewhere in the neighborhood of 50ish mg of caffeine, and feels like it.  As this was not the drink's main selling point, I understand holding back some on the energy ingredients, although I would have loved it more if it were twice the potency.   As it stands, the drink will give you a nice afternoon rush if you are looking for one - not enough to really wake you up but enough to make it through to the evening.   There is cane sugar aplenty in here to help the caffeine along, so a couple hours after slugging in into yer' gullet you might feel the need for a bit of a lie-down. 


C Strong Energy Drink

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I hate it when energy drinks are cutesy and coy.  When you are creating an energy drink to stand out from the masses, it is best not to play around and just let the drinker know what they are in for.   A perfect example is a new energy drink called C-Strong Energy drink.  What sets C-Strong apart from the others is that it contains three very light and cheap sexual libido enhancers, Maca root, Horny Goat Weed and Tribulus Terrestris. I remember hearing a long time ago in my high school psychology class that men think about sex every 15 seconds - but that did not help me to figure out what C-Strong was all about  My first thought is what begins with C that would be sexual, then making out the rooster on the front of the can.

At first, I did think the drink was chicken themed, which would have been most awesome.  I have chicken in some form or another at least once every couple days, and start raving and planning long distance vacations to Chicken and Waffle houses.  I think chicken might just be the next bacon, and was hoping this might be the first in a line of savory energy drinks.   Then, after pondering what they meant by this drink being a libido enhancer did I finally get it.    OHH! - It is supposed to be Cock!   So I gave this drink about 30 seconds longer than I should have to figure out that it was supposed to be a coy sexual reference.  That thirty seconds could have been spent on better tasks - to think I missed two times thinking about sex!

Penis themed energy drinks are hard to market, as opposed to more female friendly varieties.  As a matter of fact, while I have tried quite a few female part centered energy drinks (Pussy energySum Poosie Cat and Little Pussie), there has only been one libido enhancing drink which has been about the cock.  I dunno, but I think it might be a little emasculating, although a whole lot funnier if guys were supposed to suck on a big long thick can of drink that was flesh colored and veiny.  Instead, C-Strong energy is trying to straddle the line between being an aphrodisiac and energy drink, and ends up being a midge too naughty, but not quite naughty enough, to be either. C Strong (or C-Strong, or Cock Strong, or CStrong, I am not sure) is a small company just now trying to get distribution across the country, and they really have their work cut out for them.

Packaging:4
I have a problem with energy drink brands doing halfway measures.  Either come out and proudly declare what your drink is all about, or don't even bother.   C Strong tries to hint at being naughty while really being about as naughty as a Disney movie.  As a matter of fact, if it did not have the words "Libido Enhancement" on the top lid of the can I probably would have completely missed the sex reference, and just be confused.   There are problems around on this can:   Besides the confusion over what this drink is, the name is just as bewildering.  The mix of all the fonts for the logo don't work. The rooster looks like a clip-art taken from a book.  The paragraph that is usually used to describe the drink goes into too-long detail about Maca root, and worse -  there is no caffeine listing.

For me, the most bizarre part is a GIANT QR code in the main design of the can.  For those not hep to the new advertising device, a QR code is something mobile devices can scan in, like a square bar code, and pull off info, like in this case a link to their website - which is not even a little designed for mobile devices.  Maybe if the website was super awesome or did something cool for your phone it would make sense, but in this case it was just a very poor advertising choice.

Taste:10
Once you get past the design and just open the thing - you are in for a real treat.  I was not sure what to expect from C-Strong, and this flavor deserves some real praise.  It pours out of the can a bright red - like a cranberry juice.   This also gave me a good idea as to the flavor - a very refreshing berry taste, although it was difficult to pin down.  It tasted like there was quite a lot of Cran, although there was some definite straw too. The flavor was not of real berries, but of the tasty candy lollipop flavored red.  The touch of tartness really made this a yummy fruity punch drink.  On a hot day, a very cold C Strong really hit the spot and made me feel refreshed and full of life.

Buzz:7
As an energy drink, C-Strong has what you need.  There is a good dose of energy to be found in here, my guess is about 150-190mg of caffeine, along with the usual energy drink cohorts like Taurine, Glucurolactone, Vitamin B complex, L-Arginine and ginseng.  All of this adds to a nice couple hours of energy.  They use real sugar to sweeten things, so it does not have the same heavy syrupiness of HFCS, and helps with a bit more energy.  This also adds a big to the calorie content - 180 calories per can, but for an every-once-in-a-while treat this is no that bad.

In terms of a libido enhancer, this is pretty weak.  I gave this a difficult and  an easy test, trying this both at night during the weekend and another at work.  Fortunately for my coworkers, this really did not do much to make me excited.  OK, it is hard to get feeling frisky when you are in the middle of a javascript coding session, but even when I was just hanging out in the house I didn't feel any particular desire to get romantic, or even watch more of Spike TV.  The main ingredients they use here are Horny Goat Weed, Maca Root and Tribulus Terrestris.  All three ave very safe and very tame ingredients, especially if you are going to have it in such small amounts.  If you see where they are in the ingredients list, it is assumed that there is not much of it in here, and probably not enough that even if Horny Goat Weed actually did not do anything.

For an energy drink C-Strong rocks.  It tastes amazing and has a rockin' buzz.  But if you are looking for a penis/fowl based sex drink, there are more potent drinks out there. As for my savory energy drink ideas, I guess they will just have to wait.


Double Kick caffeinated energy candy

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For some reason, caffeinated products surrounding the ass seem to have multiplied lately.  In a few short months I have been able to try Kick Ass energy shots, Whoop Ass energy drink, and now Double Kick candy, featuring a very angry donkey kicking in the air ( geddit - a kicking ass) and is even put out by the KickAss Candy company. These are big sweets - but as they provide a satisfactory crunch, decent taste and a wicked buzz, I am very very glad they found their way to my doorstep.   This is really candy store candy for grownups - something that belongs in those specialty candy emporiums that are popping up in malls across the country, only it's in every way not kid appropriate.  In a way that adds to the fun.  After all, just because we have grown older does not mean our taste buds have lost their enjoyment of a simple sugary sweet.  Not to mention, its fun to have something that would be irresponsible to 

Problem is I could not keep them around my house for very long.  My kids, coworkers and just about anyone who saw me popping one obese into my mouth wanted to try out my treat samples.   I really wanted to hoard them in an secret compartment and be all Daffy Duck about them (Mine! Mine! Mine! All Mine!), but in the end I managed to hold onto one of every flavor and not much else.   It's OK, I like sharing, and it is just a testament to these candies that enough people wanted them.

Packaging:9
Double Kick candies borrow a whole lot from other candies I have loved in the past.  For one, they come like Zots - in there are more than one in a pack, and they come in strips.  This is brilliant packaging, as it gives them enough room to write a full ingredients list and nutritional label, as well as design something fun and keep them safe.  I don't think these could possibly work if it was sold singly - there just would not be enough room.  While this is not a marvel of technology, it does work very well for what it is trying to do, and you really gotta like their ingenious solution.

The design on the front is pretty cartoony, reminding me of a cheap Halloween novelty candy, or something you might find on a tab of acid.  One thing for certain is it does not take itself very seriously. But hey - its a candy, not marketed as a workout supplement or dietary pill.  In this way it works very nicely, as it then goes onto list caffeine content, the nutritional label and all the other info you would like to know about the double kick you are going to get.   And you will be eating double, as with many of these flavors is too hard to stop munching the second package shortly after finishing the first.

Taste: grape:10, cherry:9, strawberry: 9, Orange: 8, Blue Raspberry:7, Watermelon: 7, Lime (although it is supposed to be Green Apple): 3
The texture of these treats was perfect for me, a lot crunchy, but could crumble to dust with ease.   It reminded me a whole lot of Tums, in both size and crunch.  An even better example was a short-lived candy that hit the markets a number of years ago - Giant Sweet Tarts.  While these are not really giant, they are about Spree sized, and while one candy does not satisfy, the two-pack certainly does.  I really like how you have about 30 seconds of suck if you can make it without crunching.  All the sourness in the candies give it just the right pucker to give it a good bite if you can keep from chomping down.

Some of these flavors are better than others.  The red and purple are my personal favorites.  When the flavor is right - it tastes just like a Popsicle.  The grape tastes especially Rocket Pop, the orange most like an Emergen-C and the strawberry and watermelon tasting just like Sweet Tarts.  The green one is probably the worst - tasting like fake lime (although according to the flavor profile it's  supposed to be apples?), but rather than tasting like a sour candy it ended up being too harsh and medicinal to really be enjoyable.  When you get a package from them, it will contain an assortment of flavors, so like in a bag of Skittles or Starbursts, there are bound to be at least a couple flavors that you leave until all the good ones are gone.

Buzz:9
Most caffeinated candies are pretty mellow on the energy.  It is just hard dealing with ingredients like Vitamin B and Glucurolactone and not get a treat that tastes more like ass than kick ass.  Most of those ingredients are pretty bitter, and getting a candy to taste like candy is not such an easy feat.   Most candies accomplish this by making very low doses of energy ingredients.  In Double Kick's case, there is a serious...kick.

While they do not disclose the amount of caffeine on the package, they do on their website, and the buzz is enough to really feel it - especially if you have both candies.  The interesting thing is how the buzz reacted in my body.  Rather than it being a burst and then tapering, it was more of a subtle build - and it took a good half hour to start feeling it too.   When I did, the buzz was more of just an all over awake and alert feeling and it lasted for a good three hours or so.   While I am not sure I would turn to this if I needed an immediate pick-me-up, it was cool to see how potent these little Kick Ass candies are.


Relax and Sleep relaxation shot

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Relax and Sleep is an interesting relaxation shot because their selling point in very different that most others I have tried.  While there are many drinks like this without melatonin, this one proudly professes the lack of it.  Instead, they use a special botanical blend to try to bring you over to the sleepy side. Melatonin can be found in lots of naturally occurring foods, like cherries, bananas and grapes, rice and cereals, herbs, olive oil, wine and my favorite sleep agent, beer.

They sent me over four samples, and I was anxious to give them a try.  I love relaxation drinks, although I personally like my melatonin when I need to crash.  I can see why some people don't like to take melatonin though.  It can lead to grogginess in the morning, as well as crazy vivid dreams while you sleep.  I like my crazy dreams though, as long as they dont have me waking up in the middle of the night screaming " GET TO THE BASEMENT! GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!"


Packaging:8
Relax and Sleep did a decent job with their packaging, riffing off the 5 hour energy package.  This time, rather than the silhouette man running up the mountain at sunrise, the silhouette man is relaxing on a island tree at sunset.  They use the same 5 hour energy bottle, as well as a gigtanic 5-Hour-esque Lemon logo to let you know the flavor.  The biggest selling point of Relax and Sleep is that it is a sleep aid that does not have melatonin, and they do a great job of emphasizing that point front and center on the wrap.  While this is no marvel of packaging prowess, it does the job nicely.  They list the ingredients and cautions clearly, the packaging is crisp and clean, and they even have enough room to put in the recycle logo.

Taste:2
Relax and Sleep tastes like a mixture of mosquito repellent and a badly sweetened over-lemoned tea.  There is nothing relaxing about having to chug this noxious stew down, and after downing this shot, I feel a need to run to the fridge and find something to wash this down, not climb into bed.  Actually, the best way to drink Relax and Sleep is ice cold, so just hang out in the kitchen for a little while after chugging it down past your taste buds.  It not only makes it go down faster, but it tastes much less like something you picked up at a hardware store.   I know - to each his own - and maybe it was just my taste buds which were off.  So, without any qualms I offered it up to my kids for a taste test too.  I guess it suffices to say that my kids all decided they would rather fight through  sleeplessness than take another helping of the stuff.

The part that bothers me is you can tell that the makers of this shot, Better Life Beverages, meant for Relax and Sleep to taste just like this.  They had other taste testers as well as the general public, and the fact that they still came out with this as their product means they either had lying testers, a different batch or something did not go right with their mix because this was generally disliked by everyone who had a sip.

Anti-Buzz:4
One of the good things about this drink is that it tries to make a person sleepy without melatonin, for those who react badly to it.  I, for one, react very well to melatonin, and the chemical never fails to knock me out like Lindsay Lohan on a Kombucha and Vodka cocktail.  So I am already a little suspect that this will do much for me, but they sent me enough samples I could try giving one to my 13 year old son when he had a hard time falling asleep at midnight.  Once he managed to get it down, he then spent the next 4 hours bouncing around the house making sandwiches and playing video games and reading and being bored.  I almost turned into one of those dads and gave him a helping of Nyquil just so I could get some sleep.  Needless to say - it did not do anything for him, or me.

The next night  I gave it a spin.  It was a long and hard day at work,  and was going to bed with a   general feeling of vague stress and discomfort.  I was exhausted but could not sleep at 1AM when I gave up and went to my relaxation drink shelf.  What better time to try out a drink that should help me Rest!  So about 3 hours after I took it I finally crashed, and had this dream about getting being locked in a shopping mall with tornadoes spinning out of control to our hiding spot and all of us knowing we were about to die.

Second try I picked a night where I had much less stress, but just wanted to crash out.  This should have been an easy one for the shot to take care if, and my thinking was if I was feeling nice and rested already his should help me drift quietly into slumber, hopefully natural disaster free.   Instead, I found myself staring at the  sci-fi TV show Lexx, and spend the next 9 hours watching old bad cgi instead.  While I should have been sleeping I was left watching alien love slaves and craptastically animated battleships. No Dice.  When I finally did pass out - I had this vivd dream about these dudes with ginormous teeth threatening my kids...

Finally I got it to work right on me - but I cheated.  I got out my TENS machine to help leg pain, and got a great electrocution massage.  This was followed by 2 cocktails and Charlie Rose on TV.  Nothing in the universe is as powerful a sedative as Charlie Rose interviewing a pollster about their analysis of the Democratic National Convention.  Even typing that makes me want to snore.  Still,  I chugged the ice cold Relax and Sleep, and yes, about 30 minutes after taking it I was nice and asleep.  But really,with Charlie in the background, a neighborhood gangland turfwar probably could not have kept me conscious.

Thing is, I really like the different ingredients they used to try to make a person relax and sleep - they go far above and beyond the normal valerian root/rose hip mixture most non-melatonin sleep aids have. There is the California Poppy (they promise that you still cn pass a drug test after taking this though),  as well as catnip and blue Lotus flower.  Of course they add the rose and lavendar and all the other Sleepytime Tea extracts in here too, just for good measure.  Unfortunately, it did absolutely nothing for me, except have me nervously stare out of the windows at work for signs of death from above.


Dragon Tail Tropical energy drink

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Dragon Tail is a great energy drink brand that comes from Orca Beverage soda works in Washington.  These fine people are keeping alive such favorite olye tyme sodas like Dad's root beer, Bubble Up and Moxie Cola.  Orca distributes a ton of different specialty sodas too, but this seems to be the only energy drink they make - and it is a good one!

Packaging:7
This version of Dragon Tail is supposed to be Tropical, according to the strangely printed yellow lettering on the bottom of the golden dragon.  So far, it is the only versions of Dragon Tail energy I have found, located deep within the bowels of my local Rocket Fizz soda emporium.  Like the cola version I tried before, this comes in a cool brown bottle, looking a bit more like I was knocking down an asian beer than an energy drink.    

Like the other flavor, the only real drawback to Dragon Tail is the lack of caffeine content on the bottle.  I think the whole design and layout absolutely rocks, but just telling the public that this has caffeine and guarana but not saying how much is in here does not do any good.  They don't even bother with the standard "as much as a cup of coffee" B.S. that so many energy drinks do - this has nothin' other than listing it as an ingredient, and has a warning to pregnant women that it has caffeine.  Their drinks would be so much better if they just went that extra step.

Taste:8
Tropical flavor could mean anything from heavy pina colada to mangoes and everything in between.  In most cases, tropical usually means an overload of citric acid and heavy syrup with yellow food dye.  In Dragon Tails' case the Tropical means pineapples and some exotic candy flavor, and ends up being about as authentically tropical as a store bought Mai Tai mix.  It does not really matter though, as the flavor is candy deliciousness.

Tropical starts off nice and thick, which I am sure comes from the cane sugar used to sweeten things.  On top of that there is a whole lot of Kool Aid Fruit Punch-esque which is so yummy as to not be a problem.  Sure, if you were hoping for a real taste of the tropics you would be disappointed, but if you were just looking for something pinapple/berryish this really hits the spot.

Buzz:8
Like the cola drink, I managed to get a nice little buzz off the tropical flavor, but I am not sure if that is because of the caffeine and guarana in here, or the 160 calories of sugar they packed in here too.  Either way, I did get a couple hours of nice buzzy energy out of this.  I was not flying, but I had enough power to get me through the afternoon without having another coffee.

In therms of energy ingredients, this is just powered by caffeine and guarana, but who knows in what amount.  There is a ton of sugar and artificial flavors, so you will not be turning to this for anything healthy or good for you.  However, when you are looking for a sweet and sour soda with that extra punch, grabbing a Dragon Tail is a pretty delicious idea.



Outburst Energy Bites update

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I was fortunate to review Outburst Energy Bites about a year ago.  These little treats were perfect, except for a few problems with packaging.  Well now Outbursts have a brand new look, one that is so shiny and new that it really turns these little candied bites into a whole new product. They thoughtfully sent me a few samples so I could enjoy them all over again.  If you want some for yourself, you can find them online at www.outburstenergy.com, and if you go hunting I am told they are sold in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Baltimore, Washington, D.C and Texas too.  For only a couple bucks these make a great way to munch your way through a great energy buzz.

Packaging:10
I mentioned before how this company would benefit from a design firm, and did they ever!  They still used their paper box to hold the treats, but the box was the cool part before.  Gone is the  immature fonts,  plain and nondescript art and confusing text.  Instead, they have a lovely designed energy candy, even though the package was very clear that it was not a candy but a grownup caffeine goodie.

In terms of laying out the info, they did a great job with colors and style while letting the eater know the important facts like how much caffeine they will be consuming - which will be the whole pack in very short order.



Taste:  Chocolates:8   Peanut Chocolate:7   Chocolate Mint:9
I am not sure if they actually revamped their chocolates, or just the packaging, but I feel like the chocolate they used was a bit different, and tastier than it was last year.  I still did not much care for the peanut, but the chocolate variety was actually tasty - and I distinctly remember being disappointed in it before.

The chocolate ones were still like  very large Sixlets - though the candy wrapped shell was around some decent tasting chocolate.  It was still a little bitter, but more like the bitter of a dark chocolate than the bitter of foul tasting energy ingredients.

The Peanut version is about the same as it was before, only the harshness stands out from the other flavors now, and could use a bit of a touch up.  My son said it tasted like they wrapped it in dark chocolate, only the bad kind you find on holidays and for school fundraisers in front of grocery stores.

The best flavor is still the chocolate  mints - a delicious and refreshing chocolate candy treat.  These little chocolatey pepperminty bites  have almost none of that caffeine and vitamin flavor that the other treats did.  The mint oil is the perfect mask to the other energy ingredients.  Like last time, there is enough peppermint flavor that they are not only delicious, but they can freshen your breath after a big lunch.  These small crunchy bites were a pleasure to munch through.

Buzz:9
Fortunately, they did not mess with their buzzy rush of ingredients at all; keeping the calories low - around 12 in a bite - and a good dose of caffeine along with  30% of your daily value of Vitamin B  6 and 12, and a little handful of taurine too.

The 80mg per serving is really perfect for a treat of this size.  Even if you are tempted to eat the entire box in one go (as I did with both the peanut and mint variety), I only consumed 240mg of caffeine, which gave me a HUGE rush, but nothing that you could not find in a triple espresso.  Like the last time, I did take a box and spread it out over four hours or so at work, and kept a nice caffeine buzz going in me for a solid day without jittering or turning into mush.


I Am Sleepy relaxation drink

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"I Am" is the name of a very unique drink company, specializing in making people feel a certain way after drinking their drinks.  For instance, their product "I Am Happy" is supposed to lighten your mood.     Their idea is that if you think better than you feel better - which sounds pretty Woo Science to me. According to their website, they are trying to latch on to that truly believe that naturopathy, meditation and yoga and aligning your chakras will help your long-term overal health. Basically, they are all about the combination of science and mystic magical forces.

That being said, I should not hold that against them, as some of my friends believe that certain foods can cleanse their auras and drinking vinegar will cure them of all their ills.   According to their directions, this is how you are supposed to drink I AM:

How to best take I AM:
  • First, hold the bottle in your hands and begin to feel the positive experience that is held within.
  • Tune into your breathing as you read the bottle, knowing you are about to achieve your desired feeling.
  • Shake, twist off the cap and consume, focusing your energy on the drinks great taste and powerful ingredients being delivered to your body.
  • Bring awareness to your thoughts and how your body will feel over the next 20 minutes as your body absorbs and assimilates the formulas into your bloodstream.
  • See yourself as completely well in your new state of being and visualize yourself doing what it is you desire exactly as you had planned for.
  • Be grateful for the desired state of being that is soon coming to you.
I think I will do exactly none of those things - except for maybe the shake, twist and consume part.

Packaging:8
I relly enjoy this package - as it is nice and unassuming - and lets you know how it is that you are supposed to feel in clean bold impact letters.   There is something comforting about this, as well as giving it a real professional feel.  I love the purple, and the little extra size in the bottle (2.5 ounces as opposed to the standard 2.5) is just enough to help stick this out from the crowd.

Also sticking out fromt he crowd is the warnings for melatonin on here - announced at least four different times on the bottle.  That's OK by me though, as I love the melatonin to help me get a good night's sleep. While I don't buy into the self-hypnotic state the bottle tries to get you on, I do enjoy the simplicity and elegance of this bottle without going over the top.

Taste:10
They saved the over the top for the flavor, which is really delicious.   I Am Sleepy tastes absolutely fantastic! I liked this flavor so much I wish they came out with a non-sleepy formula just so I could drink more. The best way to describe the flavor is a mix of grapefruits and lemons, but that is not quite all of it.  The flavor is a bit more complex, almost like a citrus punch without having that funny super-sweet aftertaste many of them do.

The surprising thing is that there is no grapefruit or any real fruit at all, excepting for a little lemon juice as the last ingredient.  The rest of this is all natural sweeteners and flavors.  No Matter thought, it does not taste fake or harsh at all - which is saying something that uses stevia - a very chalky and harsh sweetener.  I gotta say - I am quite impressed.

Buzz:9
I love my melatonin.  When I take it for going to sleep, i usualy end up taking about 3-4 grams of the stuff, which is the amount found in here.  They also pack in other calming ingredients, like
Within about 30 seconds I found myself yawning and all the lovely substances get absorbed into my body.  It is like very slowly sinking into unconsciousness - and it is a most pleasurable sensation.

There is quite a lot of good stuff in here too.  All of it is natural, from the stevia to the Erythritol, there is not a non-vegan, non-kosher item in the bunch. You can find the other sleep-inducing ingredients in here, although Chamomile, L-Tryptophan, hops and theanine will not do a whole lot to calm you - unless you are really the kind of person who gets affected by herbal tea. Really, the other stuff does not matter - it is the lovely big dose of melatonin that really does me in. What is nice is that both times I did not wake up sluggish, which is a little unusual for melatonin. I get a melatonin hangover most times I take it - not ad but just crave that first couple cups of coffee. With I Am Sleepy, I actually woke up refreshed and ready to get to work. While I am not sure about all the Ayurvedic Hogwash science that goes along with this shot line, I would gladly use this to have my state of being move to a horizontal level.


Smart Protein Energy shot

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I love the mix of protein and caffeine for a workout supplement - it just makes all sorts of sense.  Having a big burst of energy in the gym is a great incentive to get there in the first place, and has been found by all sorts of studies to make your workout more powerful and happy.  Add to that a good righteous helping of protein and you have yourself one great shot for getting into some heavy metal.  Of course it helps to have it also look halfway decent and taste acceptable too - and Smart Protein energy shot, made my Iovate Health Services is fits the bill perfectly.

Iovate is one of those companies you find making all those black scary diamond-plated musclebound powder canisters you find in GNC and other tores dedicated to muscleheads. Iovate is more famous for making Hydroxycut - the big diet pill that made all the news.  Still, this product is under their Muscletech line, and it is one of the better shots I have seen dedicated to muscle workouts.

Packaging:8
The packaging is pretty unassuming here, going for a very standard blue background with fruit.  Color theory experts say blue is a great color for food because it inherently makes a person not-hungry.   The reason for this is simple - as there is no such thing as a blue food in nature.  Sure people say blueberries, but those are really purple.  The only time you will find blue in  food is with the most reviled flavor of candy - Blue Raspberry. That, and that short stink when heinz thought it would be a fabulous idea to come out with blue ketchup - ewww.

I like that this is in a slightly larger bottle than the 2 ounce usual - upping it to 2.5 and giving it a widemouth top to it is easier to chug.  The labeling is nice and easy to read - Although some of the writing got awfully tiny.   I understand the need for warnings and such, but this just seemed all packed in - a bit too tight.  Still , I would always opt for more information on my bottle of nutritional gym supplement than not enough.

Taste:9
OK - I will admit that I might be a little off here - but I really liked the flavor of Smart Protein even though it was very very strange.  They mixed a bunch of flavors here that  really should not work together, and it comes out shining bright.  there is a strong berry flavor, working well to hide the bitterness of the ingredients, and replacing it with a very pungent sourness.  To balance out the sourness, they add a bunch of non-nutrative sweetener - which gives things that very chalky light sweetness.  Just hen you think you are going to get a sweet-tarts flavor profile, the protein kicks in - like a mouthful of greek yogurt.  So what you are left with is more-or-less a super fruity Sweet Tarts Greek yogurt, and I loved it!

Again, I think more people are going to hate this flavor rather than love it, but at 6 in the morning when I am trying like the devil to get my ass to the gym, downing a cold Smart Protein gave me that shot to my taste buds to get me moving - which I'll guess is the point.

Buzz:8
This shot is really for those days where you concentrate on building muscle, as there is not a whole lot of aerobic supplements in here.  Instead of electrolytes and ingredients to replenish your body after a hard run, there is a serious 28 grams of protein in here - more than what you should be taking for the gym.

Along with this protein, there is  really only one other ingredient to help you - a nice 125mg of caffeine, energy which hit my bloodstream in about 30 seconds.   By the time I hitt he weights, I was PUMPED - and easily cranked through a set of pull ups and dips.  By the end of my routine, I felt awake, alive and energized.  I am not sure if I would attribute all of that to Smart Protein and not to a really great workout, but I do know it helped.

While Smart Protein might be a little hard to locate, if you are lifting weights and enjoy a morning boost to get you going, I would definitely give this little blue bottle a try.


Scheckter's Organic Energy drink

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What do you do when your parents own the biggest and most popular organic farms around? Make an energy drink out of it, of course!   That is what Toby Scheckter did with all the organic info he learned from living at the "University of Organics".  When he wasn't racing cars he was developing an energy drink that would be organic and natural and tasty - a very worthwhile endeavor.

One of the problems in having reviewed energy drinks for such a long time is that when I come across a statement like "The FIRST organic, fair trade energy drink", that strikes me as a BIG FAT LIE.   This drink was made just last year in 2011.   I Like that it is fair trade, but seeing as I reviewed Steaz energy drink in 2008, Sambazon Amazon energy with Fair Trade Acai in 2009, and all of Guayaki's energy drinks like the Enlighten Mint I reviewed in 2010 are fair trade and organic too, it is a hard statement to justify.


Packaging:9
You could tell they tried very hard to create a package that would go everywhere and not offend everyone.  This is about as clean and neat as a Living Simple Magazine cover.  That is not to say the design is simple, and is a matter of fact full of little complex touches.  The background is actually in a checkerboard matte and shiny white, and then accented by just enough green to help sell the clean-and-green angle without going over the top with business.  Of course, the business is accomplished by the twenty thousand badges for everything from Fair Trade to Organic to at least half a dozen little logos and symbols.   I know that is the big selling point of the drink but it really clutters up the main design.  

However, in this prettiness they still list all the important stuff - namely the caffeine content, as well as all the other energy ingredients clearly.  I like the clean and easy-on-the-eyes design, and give kudos for making a plain can not look boring.

Taste:9
One of the best parts of this drink is the complete lack of that energy drink sour edge that almost all the others embrace.  Instead, this is enhanced by a very sharp and crisp pear flavor that is enhanced by lemons and a tart berry edge.   Scheckter's Energy drink tastes super fruity, and it is obvious that this is made with real juice from Pomegranates and Pears.  I guess there is elderberry juice in here, but seeing as I have never seen let alone eaten a real elderberry I could not comment.

I can say that this is one of the more pleasurable energy drinks I have had in a while - tasting like something you should find in a juice cooler more than in the energy drink aisle.  Scheckter's is a delicious juicy drink that I would be happy to drink over and over.

Buzz:8
This is another product which is embracing the green coffee bean.  However, rather than just stick to the green coffee bean, they use caffeine from green tea and guarana too.  My guess is that was to up the caffeine content to something functional - 135mg per can.  At first this does not seem like that big a rush - but actually it kicks most other drinks' non-organic asses!  Keep in mind this is an eight ounce can - and Monster, Red Bull, and almost every other drink has only around 80mg for the same size.  So this little cute can has over 1 1/2 times the amount of energy as the others. 

Of course using all those yummy healthy sweeteners like raw sugar and juice also ups the calorie count to a high content.  Keep in mind that just because the calories are all natural and organic that means that the sugar is any better for you than regular sugar, and the taste is so good you could easily pop a couple can a day of the stuff too.  Fortunately, they have a diet version which I will get to review a little later.


Amara Energy Drink

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I have tried many many energy drinks over the years - hundreds of cans of all shapes and sizes, from squat cans from Brazil to the upper reaches of Canadian Gas Station goodness - and i still get surprised every now and then.  Amara energy drink is one of those surprising finds that is so perfect for what it can do it is surprising it has not swept the market yet.  Like Hydrive or Go Fast's Hybrid drinks, Amara fits a particular niche so well it is surprising they thought it could be for anything else.  If you like carbonated yumminess in your workout drink, this is tailor made for you.

The website states that this recovery drink was created to help recover from a night of hard partying, long travel and rigorous exercise.  As they sent me four cans, I was able to try all three of them out in those circumstances and see how well it performs.  The interesting thing is that this drink is PERFECT for the gym, so good that it is hard to imagine this being used for any other purpose.  While the packaging might be specific for clubbing, the drink itself was the best thing for slamming after a hard workout, as well as any activity where you end up hot, tired, sweaty and thirsty.  If you want something to help after a hard run, lawn-mowing, mosh pit ( you get the idea), a can of Amara and you will feel energized and ready for more.

Packaging: 5
I think Amara completely missed their audience after giving this a good try.  Mind you, if this was made more for clubbing it would be cooler.   There is a nifty phoenix design that does not seem to make a whole lot of sense on the can, but is very cool - and a futuristic logo (close to the Star Trek Voyager font) on a light blue background.  To add to the cool of dance clubs, the package has a coat of UV activated Ink (black light ink) that causes the three logos and the Phoenix to glow under black lights.  All of that is pretty fancy, but I think it misses the point.  Unless clubs let you bring in your own drink or sell you a can to walk around with, no one is going to see how this looks in a club.  Most clubs/bars I have been in pour the drink into a glass with some alcohol in it and the can is tossed in the trash.

Not to mention, none of the really cool things that this drink has or does is advertised on the can.  Amara is all natural - enough to be sold in Whole Foods stores.  It is a sports drink that is full of recovery supplements.  It is full of anti-oxidants, like Maqui berry - so why not put that info on your can front and center?

Fuctionally, the can has a few missteps too.  The big mistake for me was not listing the caffeine content, and hiding it in a 280mg energy blend.    While I get that there is more going on in here than just caffeine for energy, they really should list how much is in here.  Also, the white text on light blue background is harder to see than if there was more contrast.

Fortunately, they let me know there is going to be major overhaul of the package coming soon - something geared more towards the functional category than the party lifestyle.  With a redesign geared to the athletic recovery instead, this has the chance to really be a major player in the energy drink world.  RIght now, unless you are living in the right place in California (San Francisco area), the only places to find them are online at Thirstmonger and Amazon, although then you need to be down for a case.

Taste:10
After a hard workout, the last thing I would want is a heavy drink full of sweet and overpowering flavor coating my mouth.  Amara is one of the best drinks I have ever had after the gym, tasting refreshing and lightly citrus - sweet enough to be refreshing but not syrupy sweet like a Powerade.  There is a little bite in here from the functional ingredients, but it quenches and enhances the flavor.

As suggested, I did try one as a mixer, tossing in a couple shots of Tequila (Amara is sweetened with agave nectar, so I thought it would work together), and it was...OK.  The problem is that Amara is not really powerful enough as a flavor profile to change or enhance a spirit to a mixed drink.  It just tasted like slightly sweeter slightly citrus Tequila.

The best way to drink Amara is just by itself, straight out of the fridge.IT is very thirst quenching, and refreshes you completely without overloading your mouth on tart over-sweet flavor.

Buzz:9
As a workout/recovery drink it does not get a whole lot better than this.  Amara has worked hard to come up with a formula which really did my body a great service after hitting the gym.

To help a body recover, they made this an isotonic beverage.  That means that more than this drink having electrolytes, this has the same amount of them as what you can find in your blood.  according to their literature, Too many electrolytes and the beverage becomes hypertonic (too many electrolytes) and isn’t absorbed quickly, too few and it becomes hypotonic (too few electrolytes).  I am not sure about the science behind it - but I can tell you that it works.  I sweat a lot when I work out - enough so that it is embarrassing.   While I never have actually measured the quantity that gets worked out of me, the sixteen ounces of Amara pour it all back in.  Both times I brought this to the gym I easily chugged the entire can in one go - and felt like a new man afterwards.

On top of that, the ingredients were very nice to me too.  The Agave and Stevia meant that there is a measly 30mg of calories per can, along with a bunch of Vitamin C and Vitamin B complex too.  If you get into the anti-oxidant thing, there is a bunch in here thanks to the Maqui berry, milk thistle and prickly pear.   This is all full of natural ingredients, and even the caffeine is sourced from the increasingly popular coffee berry.

In terms of energy, I like that they left out the normal energy drink posse, and replaced it with things that actually improve metabolism.  There is no inositol or taurine or glucurolactone in here, but there is an amino acid which helps muscle inflammation, Ribose - which is great for energy and metabolism.

The one thing I would think of is to boost the caffeine levels in here a bit.   Although they did not disclose the amount of caffeine in here, it felt like it was on the lower side.  When you work out, having a blast of energy to get through difficult physical tasks is really helpful, and in all my tests I did not really feel that rush of energy.  While there is definitely caffeine in here, I am guessing there is 150-180mg of it in the can, which could be a little low for a workout drink.  While you don't need a huge boost - like if you were wanting this for weightlifting or are falling asleep working, it would be nice to see a bit more oomph inside.


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